As you consider the future of your relationship, there will be many factors to consider, and we explore some of these below. It may be, of course, that your partner has decided to end your relationship, so you already know that it is over. The questions in this section are intended to help if you are still trying to make a decision on this issue. Factors to consider include:

• The strength of your relationship. How would you describe your relationship? Do you feel loved and supported? Are you friends? Or have you being drifting apart for some time, so that you feel you have nothing in common any more.

The following questions may help you to explore your feelings and thoughts on this area in more depth:

• Knowing what you know now would you still get involved with the same person if you had to do it all over again? Why?

• If you could break off your relationship or get a divorce from your partner today, without any of the inconvenience, legal costs or embarrassment, and without undue hardship for your children, would you do it?  Why?

The following questions will help you to look in more depth at the general state of your relationship. When you answer these questions think about your relationship before you discovered your partner's infidelity:

• If people saw the two of you in public, would they describe you as looking or acting unhappy?

• Did you feel dominated by your kids? By your work? By household chores? By debts?

• Did you feel out of shape? Are you overweight? Has your grooming or desire to look good declined?

• Did you feel that you were constantly lacking in energy? Did you spend a lot of time vegetating in front of the TV? Did one of you tend to be asleep when the other one got into bed? Or were you sleeping in separate rooms?

• Did you go through long periods when one or both of you was disinterested in sex, affection, or spending time together.

• Your shared history. The history of your relationship will be important now. Questions to consider include: How did you meet, and how did you feel about each other in the early days of your relationship? Can you still relate to those feelings in some way? Do you have a rich shared history and many positive memories of your years together? As noted earlier, if your relationship itself began as an affair when your partner was in another relationship, this suggests a pattern of behaviour that may be difficult to change.